FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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