see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
