i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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