So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
