I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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