so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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