Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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