Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
