So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
