I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
