my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish I only lived at night.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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