my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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