she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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