I'm laying in your front yard are you home
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
