he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
