whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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