genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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