he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
