I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
