No more Irish car bombs ever.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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