I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
