Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
