Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
