I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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