i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
