hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
