that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
