I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Randomize
