You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
