just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
