dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
