New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
