good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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