Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
