I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
