dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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