Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
