I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
