Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
