Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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