Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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