He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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