I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
