You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
