I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
