my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
