You made me cry and you don't even care
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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