Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
