dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
