Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
