Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
