You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
