I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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