my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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