Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Randomize
