Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
